November | 2007 | Cathy C. Hall Writes

I’ve just finished the final read-through of my column for December’s issue of Our Town Magazine (HI-larious, trust me). When it suddenly occurred to me that I haven’t yet told the tale of how a newbie writer (That’s me, playing the lead in the story) happened to catch her big break (That would be the column, for those following the story line).

It was a dark and stormy night when Mr. Hall went out to get a cup of coffee. (All good stories start like that…though, in actual fact, it may have been a bright and sunny morning).

Anyway, the beneficent Mr. Hall, at some point in the coffee pursuit, crossed paths with a friend of mine. We shall call her Madame X (though, in actual fact, her name is Janet Lennox). As fate would have it, Madame X was in possession of several copies of Our Town Magazine (the plot thickens!). Chit chat ensued.

“My, my,” said Mr. Hall to Madame X, “I did not know that you were a magazine publisher!”

Mr. Hall talks like that when he is out amongst the public.

“Oh, yes,” said Madame X, “We have been distributing this new publication in Gwinnett County, serving the cities of Lawrenceville, Lilburn, Snellville and Grayson, for just a few months.”

Odd, I know, but Madame X talks like that in public, too.

And wham! Mr. Hall remembered that Cathy C. Hall was at home at that VERY SAME MOMENT writing! Would Madame X be interested in scathingly witty opinions for this newly published magazine? (This is what we call the turning point of the story.)

So, (end of story) I write a funny column called Inside Out for Our Town Magazine, wherein I reap a bit of Fame and a smidge of Fortune.

And now, because every good story has some kind of rewarding conclusion, I offer this moral:

“Never settle for a cup of coffee from home when you can spend big bucks for a cup of Joe from your local over-priced Caffeine-meister.”

Which is a another way of saying, “Be ready when opportunity knocks.” (Especially if her name is Janet and she’s holding a stack of Our Town Magazines.)

Oh, look! A visual aid for the story: Copy of Our Town Magazine in which my first comic musings can be found. Bonus: Name the Olympic swimmer on the cover.

(Seriously. I cannot for the life of me remember her name.)

I’ve learned a lot about writing since I started on my Road to Publication. Mostly, I’ve learned my lessons the hard way. That is, by making mistakes. Apparently, I’m one of those people who must do something totally stupid so that the lesson will stick in my head. Thus, I may not exactly know what to do, but I’m becoming a real pro at what not to do.

The first hard lesson learned involved Contests, Part One. (Yeah, you can expect a Part Deux next week. Maybe even a Part Three. I had a lot to learn about contest-writing.)

Way back in the early days, I found a writing contest that called for entrants to finish a story. It had to be in the style of the original writer (Simple!), continue the plot and solve the mystery (Is that all?) and mention a name-brand product in a prominent way (alright, already).

Easy-weezy, I said to myself. Except that I spent weeks working on this grand opus. Which didn’t win (Some Bozo won. Seriously. It was a clown from Omaha or somewhere). Now, friends, what was I to do with this wonderfully clever, albeit narrowly-conceived story I had filling up my Documents file?

Pretty much nothing. All that work for naught. Unless, little grasshopper, you consider the lesson I learned about what not to do.

That’s not to say I don’t do contests. Or that I won’t write a story that must stick to a theme, or complete a first line, or write in the style of another author. In fact, I placed in the Top Ten Finalists recently in the Will Rogers Writing Contest (http://www.columnists.com/).

But if I choose a contest along those lines, I won’t do one that requires me to use a ton of my precious writing hours with very little chance of any payoff. And I absolutely won’t write something for a contest that’s good only for that specific contest.

Or maybe I just learned that I wasn’t the scathingly brilliant writer I think I am?

Nahhh.