Wit of the Hour: Andy Rooney

“I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”
~Andy Rooney (1919-2011)

And so the 60 Minutes humorist has come to the end of the roll. But he had a good run, didn’t he? (No pun intended. Although Andy Rooney might laugh at that.)

60 Minutes and I go way back…I mean, way back. Back to the early days of the first born Junior Hall. Because I’d quit my outside-world job, and was home with a baby all week, I suppose I was starved for some kind of intellectual stimulation (no offense to the Beneficent Mr. Hall, of course.) So I watched this program and got…well, I guess “over-stimulated” would be the right word.

The Beneficent Mr. Hall would likely say “crazy.” Whatever. The point is, after 6 months or so of screaming like a banshee at the 60 Minutes folks and the provocative, investigative stories they reported, Mr. Hall advised me to step away from the television. At least, during 60 Minutes. So I did, for the sake of my blood pressure. But every once in awhile, when I was feeling a bit nostalgic, I’d watch the last 10 minutes so I could catch Andy Rooney. I mean, Andy was hilarious.

Did you ever wonder why pizza is round? In Italy, pizza is oblong. But I suppose in America, we like things round. And with lots of cheese on top. You could put a mound of mozzarella on a manhole cover and some New Yorker would eat it.

Andy didn’t say that. (I don’t think. I think I just made that up. But then again, I may be channelling him.) For years, I’ve done Andy Rooney “Did you ever wonder” bits. See, the great thing about the “Did you ever wonder” bits is that you can wonder about anything.

Did you ever wonder why dogs have four legs? Why don’t we say they have two legs and two arms? They only have one butt, though. But four legs come in handy for all that scratching. I wish I had four legs. I itch in some weird places.

Did you ever wonder why those little sticky notes are yellow? Urine is yellow. So’s a school bus.

Did you ever wonder how a guy got a job for a zillion years asking questions like “Did you ever wonder?”?

Still, I’ll miss the old guy.

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8 thoughts on “Wit of the Hour: Andy Rooney

  1. "Did you ever wonder" sounds like just as good of a story starter as "What if". I'm sure you're having a blast with PiBoIdMo… sounds like you could have a few ideas from this post alone. :)I always liked Andy, too. He will be missed.

  2. I liked Andy, too, but didn't really watch 60 Minutes for quite a few years. Just got tired of all that news, ya know?! Just think how well Andy must've been paid for "just wondering"….we should be so luck!! :)And hey, you sounded just like good, old Andy, too!

  3. Debra, I AM having fun with PiBoMoId–even if none of my ideas are quite…PB's! :-)Thanks, Becky! You should hear me do his voice. ;-)I'm sure Andy's cracking 'em up in…well, whatever place he believed he'd move on to. (Did you ever wonder where you'd go after you died? I hope they don't have lines there. I hate lines. Especially the ones that never seem to move. Did you ever wonder why lines don't move???? šŸ˜‰

  4. Do you ever wonder what Andy Rooneywas like as a kid? I actually think about that quite a bit…he was such a kooky adult that I wonder quite a bit about his childhood. Now THAT'S a PB…

  5. Hi Cathy,I'm a fan of Andy Rooney's, too. On Sunday night, Morley Safer did a special on Andy from when he was a kid up until when he retired. It was a fascinating piece. Lots of humor and wisdom.But all the while Andy was talking I kept thinking: Did you ever wonder why some men let their eyebrows grow so long? Donna

  6. HAHHAHAHAA! Donna, I did NOT see that coming!Kara, it does not surprise me that you would think about Andy Rooney as a kid. (It kinda worries me, though…)Linda, I think wonderers are writers. I mean, if we didn't wonder, what would we write about? šŸ™‚

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